I am now sitting here at my security job past the time I should have been relieved. I cannot leave this facility in that it is a federal installation and there must be security present on the property. Our security firm dispatcher has contstantly attempted to call the guard scheduled for this overnight shift, but with no answer. My program managers are working to get me relieved. I actually went into work early because that same officer had been “stood up” by the day shift officer so he ended up working 14 hours. I told him that if he wanted, he could come in at 1:00 am instead of 11:00 pm and I would work 12 hours instead of just 10 hours so that he could get ample sleep. He told me he would let me know. This is after 1:00 am and I am looking at an 18 hour shift, and still have to be back at work the following evening. This is, of course, if the first guard that was no call, no show will actually show. If not, I may be looking at a 26 hour shift if my program manager cannot find relief in the middle of the night. To put it mildly, I am angry. I would have rather he spit in my face and cuss me out than to do this!!
Okay, calm down Cravey. Take a deep breath. I wrote the above words last night. The program worked some magic and I was able to get out with only 14 hours worked–still enough time to get semi-adequate rest. It took some time at home to get calmed down to sleep, but after prayer and relaxation, sleep did come and I am doing alright now. It was actually cathartic and possibly therapuetic to just write these feelings down. Thanks for letting me vent.
Please don’t misunderstand. My anger was not about the hours worked. It doesn’t mean that I was overjoyed about them, but that was not the primary fuel for my ranting, as it were. It was the fact that we have some individuals coming to age in this new generation that feel that the world owes them a living and if “I come in to work, you should be grateful.” There is a lack of personal responsibility and an expectation of doing what they want to do, daring that there be consequences. They are entitled people that, when called out on their unexecused absences, have this, “And who do you think you’re talking to?” attitude. And what’s worse, with many companies unable to get and keep adequate manpower for the job, they cater to these individuals with the excuse, “We can’t afford to lose anyone right now”, and what’s worse, these workers know this. It’s not just the last two companies I’ve worked for, but it’s all over this nation. If you have been a reader in other blogs I’ve written (The Entitled Ones, and The Entitled Ones–Act Two), you would know I am not a fan of entitled individuals.
Anger in and of itself is not bad. Anger, if responded to in a constructive way, can be a very good thing. If you read the About Me page, you would have read that I graduated from a Bible College and I am a proponent of the wisdom that comes from Scriptures. The following verse is appropriate for this context:
“Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26–KJV)
We see even God expects us at times to be angry. He created us with this emotion. The Bible tells us that even He gets angry. That is not the trouble. It is when we fail to “sin not”. This is the negative, destructive responses I am speaking of. The actions of pride, vengeance, and violence should not be our default response. Also, if you look again at the above verse, we understand we should not let “the sun go down upon your wrath.” We should keep a short account of it. It is not just so we wouldn’t carry this anger into the next day and continue to brood on it until it causes us to do something we would later regret. It is also so that it doesn’t eat us up and create future health problems. We need to work out our anger through positive outlets.
For instance, the organization, MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving is a prime example. When I Googled the how this organization got started, this is what Google put up as an explanation:
“Mothers Against Drunk Driving, or MADD, was founded in 1980 by a mother in California. Candice Lightner started the nonprofit following the death of her daughter, who was killed by an impaired motorist. The organization aims to stop this dangerous activity and support those who are affected by it.”
As a police officer, I was governed in instances where I would pull over someone impaired by laws enacted as a result of MADD’s lobbying for legislature changes. This anger produced such a needed outcome that has, as a result, saved lives.
Controlled and well-funneled anger can change lives for the better, can replace inhumane laws, can be a call to action, and can give the one angry a sense of direction and purpose. This is the goal. If all could learn to find healthy and constructive ways to use our anger, many of the violence today could be prevented.
The real trouble with anger is when the one affected responds in a manner where the anger tends to have control of the person instead of the other way around. The anger itself may be justified, but not the actions. Anger, oftentimes, then is not understood as a proper emotion as much as it is a motive to a crime committed. The victim who suffers a display of disrespect, a violation of his integrity, or even of physical injury, if the anger is not brought under control, will fall into the sterotypical trap of adding insult to injury when he gets arrested.
The website mind.org.uk has put out an article How to Cope With Anger, in which it lists when the responses to anger is causing issues:
When is anger a problem?
Anger only becomes a problem when it gets out of control and harms you or people around you. This can happen when:
- you regularly express your anger through unhelpful or destructive behaviour
- your anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health
- anger becomes your go-to emotion, blocking out your ability to feel other emotions
- you haven’t developed healthy ways to express your anger
We will now explore some instances where uncontrolled anger can cause one legal issues, possibly to the extent of criminal. These examples are hardly an exhaustive list, but they are some of the most common ones.
Crimes of Assault
Most assault situations have resulted due to uncontrolled anger. I say most, because not every assault has been purposed out of rage. One such example is when someone purposes to exert his or her dominance. We see this in the bully at school, the rogue police officer (who needs to be discovered, terminated, prosecuted, and imprisoned), and among domestic partners (To learn more on this, read my blog, “What I’ve Learned From Working Domestic Violence Calls“). The one hired to hurt others may fit in this category as many of them hurt people or worse (as in hitmen) with no emotion whatsover. Some may actually be sociopathic or even psychopathic.
However, the majority of assaults usually start with hurtful, aggressive words, followed with fisticuffs or slaps to the face, pushes and kicks. Usually, it is meant to teach the other a lesson to not miss with them. With men, ego rears its ugly head and, even though the one committing the assualt may feel that what he is doing is wrong, pride makes him double down on his actions. Many times the incident ends with police arriving and the aggressor going to jail.
Then there are cases where the violence is fueled by alcohol or other intoxicants. I am not going into the reasons why abuse of substances are not a good idea, but suffice it to say that the phrase “bar fights” is a common one. The big guy standing at the door when you walk in is not quite as timid or meek as the Walmart greeter. He is a bouncer who is employeed by the establishment because the owners know that ego and alcohol, hurt feelings and alcohol, weaponized words and alcohol, pride and alcohol, and of course anger and alcohol are perfect ingredients where his services will be commonly essential.
And to police officers all around out nation that may be reading this: If you have a problem with anger and find yourself “losing it” occasionally, you need to get it together before you end up in prison or losing everything you have. I am not being melodramatic. Uncontrolled anger will cause you to say things you would not ordinarily say. Uncontrolled anger will cloud your objectivity and good judgement. Uncontrolled anger may cause you one day to be standing in federal court to answer to charges of excessive force. You need to utilize the EAP in your jurisdiction to find better ways to cop with the monster within, because that is what uncontrolled anger is. Learn how to tap out and allow another officer to continue the call if you need to while you cool down. I had to do that once when I almost got crushed against the brick wall of a convenience store. If you wish to see the video of what took, after you read this blog, go over to “Go Home And Change Your Shorts Stories–2nd Pair“. You’ll see the reason why I had to call another officer before I could deal with the drunk driver. Also, if you are a police officer that witnesses one among your ranks who has anger issues that tend to go over the line when making contact with the public, and do not report this, you may be as one of the officers standing near Officer Chauvin while he was killing George Floyd. I believe they used the word complicit. You need to ask yourself if your loyalty to your fellow officer is worth your freedom, the loss of the provider to your family and to your life in general.
Murder
CNN Health posted an online article by Jacqueline Howard that reported homocides are the highest it has been in 100 years (“US Records Highest Homocide Rate In Modern History, CDC Says“). Many times this is done as a result of unfettered anger. What’s sad is that the US Department of Justice put out Family Violence Statistics that report that 22%–that’s almost one out of every four–of homocides in the year 2002 were on family members. How many of them were unintentional but were the result of allowing one’s rage to control the outcome of the exchange? I’m not sure, but I would be willing to wager it would be better than half. And this is committed on our own blood! These are people we grew up in and where we belonged. These are people we love. They are brothers, sisters, mother’s, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters and spouses. Most never dreamed that the cause of their demise would come from someone that have said that they love them every day.
If you would like to read the first murder recorded in the Bible, just check out Genesis chapter three. It speaks of two brothers born of Adam and Eve. Their names were Cain and Abel. The way the account goes, Cain, who was a farmer, brought to God a sacrifice of his crops to present it for approval. Abel, who was a tender of sheep, brought forth a sacrifice of his flock to present it for approval. The Bible said that God had respect for Abel’s sacrifice, but not for Cain’s. I am not going into a theological dissertation as to why, but suffice it to say this caused anger and jealousy to perculate in Cain. It was told that while both brothers were in the field, Cain rose up and slew (or murdered) his brother. Cain’s guilt followed him for the rest of his life just because he could not reconcile his anger. I’m also sure he was not invited to any family reunions after that.
America was shocked when it was discovered that the Menendez brothers slaughtered their own parents in 1996. They claimed that it was because of the abuse they received as children by their hand. Whether this is the case or not, it is a pretty safe bet anger may have had a part in it, perhaps with a side of greed. Yet, now we hear family murders way too much in the news to the point we are somewhat desensitized to it. It’s sad, yes. But shocking, no, we know it happens.
We do realize that non-family homicides do make up the majority and it is supposed many of them are caused by angry hands. Ever since the Columbine High School tragic incident it seems that mass shootings in schools are becoming a routine event. Recent ones include the Ulvade school and just this week we learned three are dead and others injured in a shooting on the University of Virginia campus. From the reports we are getting, overwhelmingly these are from those who have experienced injustices and bullying, and they have chosen to settle the score with ending lives. Families are grieving the loss of their loved ones only because the perpetrater either did not know how to handle his anger or didn’t care to.
Road Rage
Road rage is a specific result of uncontrolled anger that typically had the potential in very tragic results. As a retired police officer, while on duty I’ve come to see that this particular outlet of anger is generally exhibited by, wait for it, entitled people. These are motorists who believe it is their right to be driving on the highway (on the contrary, it is a privilege not a right), and anyone who impedes, challenges or cuts off their progress on the road is the target of their rage.
For instance when someone accidentally cuts them off, they feel it is sign of disrespect. They don’t know who they are missing with, and they will subsequently school these ingrates, Their focus used to be in getting to work. Now it is to even the score with this idiot. I mean, who does he think he is? I will show him.
Below is a NBC report on road rage and it would better illustrate the point I am attempting to make:
Some road rage incidents begin with a competitive attitude. On more than one occasion I have been waiting to make a left turn behind traffic on to the ramp to the Portsmouth Downtown tunnel on I 264 in VA, when a vehicle in the right lane attempts to muscle in front of me. This was when there were no vehicles behind me. They just cannot stand to be the last in line I suppose. Incidents like this can generate road rage. Competition is valuable on the football field or the basketball court. There is absolutely no room for competition on the highways.
I know the daily commute to work and back home can be stressful. The last thing we need is to experience something that will make it more aggravating. If you are given to fits of anger and road rage, and you want to overcome that, I’ve got an experiment for you to conduct. Make a point when you leave for work to wake up a half hour earlier than usual. Leave in plenty of time to get to work. When you get on the expressway, get in the right lane and drive as close to the speed limit as possible (I know that the speed limit can be an invitation for someone to run you over especially in rush hour). Put on some uplifting or relaxing music. If someone wants to get in front of you, let them. See how many vehicles you allow to go past your vehicle instead of trying to get ahead of everyone. If possible, place your vehicle on cruise control and allow the vehicles that pass you get the traffic ticket. Be courteous to other drivers, even if they are not courteous to you. It’s no skin of your nose. You’ll find you get to work in a much pleasant and calm demeanor ready to face the stress at work. It actually can get addicting.
Driving Angry
Hey, Jonah, you seem to be getting a little senile in your old age. You just got through talking about road rage, and you’re about to repeat the segment again. Well, if you really need to know, nosey (lol), this segment is the result of wisdom coming from my wife when she was giving me feedback on the blog. The difference in road rage and driving angry is that road rage usually occurs during the trip on the highways. It comes about as a result of an aggressive or careless driver. Driving angry, as Vicky puts it, occurs before you get behind the wheel. You get into an argument with your spouse or significant other, the kids are late in getting ready for school, you were dressed down by your boss at work and you are now driving home, etc., etc., etc.
Not as someone with a degree in psychology, but as one who has observed the results of unfettered anger throughout the years, the one thing that is constant, the stronger the anger, the more imperative it is to find some type of outlet for that anger. Even attempting to push your anger inward and downward is a type of outlet because you end up harming yourself medically and emotionally in the interim. As your anger builds it invariably will cause a sudden and explosive expulsion, usually in situations where it is not proportionate nor appropriate for the current environment. It is what people will call “way over the top”. A dropped fork, spilled coffee, a minor good hearted “insult”, or something of minor inconvenience could be the dentonating factor. Also, one that could set it off is one that cuts in front of the angry driver.
In looking for an outlet, the inconsiderate driver in front of the disturbed individual now becomes the target of his or her wrath. They’ll do. What occurs next may only take a few minutes, but the outcomes may last a lifetime, or even take one. Angry driving turns into road rage exacting outwards toward anyone that dares test them. Tailgating, cutting them off back, brake checking, or sometimes intentional collision of the vehicles are just some things that the angry driver will commit. Then if one angry driver meets another one on the highway, then no motorist anywhere within the vicinity is safe. Innocent lives are sacrificed for the destructive outlet of these drivers’ angers.
Outbursts in Court
I’m all for our Constitutional rights as citizens of this great nation of ours. I am for reasonable restrictions on weapons when it comes to the Second Amendment. I mean, I would really feel uneasy if I knew my next door neighbor had rocket launchers aimed at my house. Yet, I am for reasonable citizens having the wherewithal to protect themselves from those who wish them harm.
So, I do have a confession to make. Since the “birth” of this blog site, without fail I have uploaded an article every Friday night/Saturday morning. That is, until this month. Having to work many hours with the approach of Thanksgiving , I have neglected to do so. It is for that reason, although this article was started a couple of weeks ago, I now aim to finish this now. During the short sabbatical, tragically, we heard of the Walmart shooting in Chesapeake, VA, just twenty minutes away. It was my wife’s and my go-to Walmart until they opened one in our city. I had just gotten back from the one in our city when I heard the news. The one thing that came to mind is that if I had been there at that one I could have lessened the carnage by taking out the shooter. Yes, I do carry concealed everytime I go out. I am for more responsible citizens to do the same, keeping within the law to get the appropriate permits. If we can have brave people willing to help protect their fellow man, we can have few grieving families, especially around the holidays. This unrestrained violence with no immediate response needs to stop.
Having said that, I am also for good sense limitations. Those that are proponents for the 1st Amendment concering free speech (which I am as well) must understand your right to express yourself has restrictions and limitations as well. This is nowhere true as much as it is in a courtroom. 1st and 2nd Amendment rights are checked at the door and you can pick them up after you leave. Guns and unedited free speech fueled by anger are not welcome and can get you in hot water, legally speaking.
Sure, you can defend yourself in court against accusations of traffic or criminal violations. It is your Constitutional right to do so. However, if you attempt to talk over the officer as he testifies, or even the judge in the process of his duty, it will be met with stern warnings, and if not curtailed, contempt charges. Even if you give your defense at the right time to speak, and it is completely accurate and true, just the way you give your testimony can be grounds for the judge to have you cool your heels in lockup. Name calling, unestablished accusations of the officer, disrespectful statements and replies will be shut down and dealt with. You may be perfectly in the right, but the judge will not care to hear you unless you get it together.
I remember a case where I had an Obstruction of Justice charge on the defendant before the court. As I was investigating one night a possible domestic assault accusation against him called in and made by his parents (he was an entitled adult still living at home), he got up from where he was sitting while I was in mid-sentence. I was by myself with no backup due to the call volume and I had everyone in the house sit down for my safety as well as for every one else’s in the home. Yet, this man abruptly got up and told me that he was going to get something to drink. I told him that he could after I was done and for him to sit himself down. He then started for the kitchen which, as you well know, has knives and with his attitude with me I wasn’t quite sure what he was capable of. I told him that I would have to arrest him if he made any further progress to the kitchen. He told me that I would have to arrest him then. It was his house (which no, it is not your house, it is your parents house and you are just an unwanted immature guest) and that I did not have the right to tell him to stay in the living room. I radioed for backup (although there was none) and I immediately grabbed him and we tussled on the ground until I had him in cuffs. I called off backup (which the dispatch told me later it was no problem since she had no one responding) and took him to the magistrate. He messed up there too, since the magistrate usually gives bail to offenders in family offenses with the instruction not to make contact with them. He told the magistrate once the cuffs come off and he sees me again, he will beat me to a pulp. The magistrate made sure he did not have the chance (although he had the chance back at the house but either did not or could not), so he placed him in the jail without bail.
He must have gotten bail from the judge at his arraignment since he walked into the court building on his own accord. He came in as early as I did and went straight to the law library. I was told by the receptionist at a later time that when he came in, he told her that he was going to put Officer Cravey in his place, get his charge dismissed and sue him for false arrest. He then did a crash course in law with the law journals in the library. It would prove later he had not learned his lesson from what happened at the magistrate’s office. When he went before the judge, after I had testified, he had his notes before him and began to read case law to the judge. This is where you need to take note. DO NOT read case law to the judge, as if he or she could not read it for themselves. You can cite the title of the case law and what your interpretation of it is, but do not read it. The judge told him not to read case law to him. He told him that he throughly knew that case law and it doesn’t even remotely relate to his actions as was testified by the officer. The defendant told him that I was lying. That did it. He immediately told the defendant he was guilty and that his sentence was 6 months in jail with all but five days suspended and that he was going to be taken now to serve his sentence. When he was leaving to go to lockup, while still in ear shot of the judge, he said “Aint this some sh@%!” The judge ordered the deputy to bring him back. The judge apologized to the man and stated that he had made a grievous error in his sentencing. He declared that he would now be sentenced to 6 months, nothing suspended. He then told the deputy, “Ok, deputy, now you can take him.” This man’s anger made it much worse than what it needed to be.
Lives are ruined and even ended in the heat of anger. I only mentioned a few legal issues with anger and have not really gone into the long term health issues one can face due to their unresolved anger. One can learn more about it by Googling “Health problems caused by anger” or something of that nature. There are some coping mechanisms we can incorporate in our lives that will help us with anger. When I worked at a behavorial center for troubled kids as a mental health tech, the number one reason most were there was anger they could not control. The team working with each of them would teach them coping mechanisms that would help them harnass their anger, and even channel it into positive enterprises. Anger management was the goal on the units and the subject of many of the group sessions we had.
If you find yourself in a position now in your life where if you know that your anger will eventually have adverse and negative effects in your life as well as the ones around you that you care about, it is time now to consider taking an anger management class. The instructors specialize in giving you the best coping techniques to curtail your angry responses. It will give you the tools you need to continue a successful and peaceful existence with those around you. If you were honest with yourself, you would admit you do not like yourself when you let your anger take you places you do not wish to end up in. So take control now. I have left an online course down below, and if you click on the banner you will receive $5 off on your course. You do not have to take that particular course, but it is imperative that you get some counseling and instruction now before your regret is life long.
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