The time has finally arrived. You have been waiting for this for what seemed to be a lifetime (actually it has been for you). It is the day you turn eighteen. Hopefully your parents have raised you the best they know how, and, based upon their training of you, you have to begin making decisions for yourself. Will you go to college or learn a trade? Will you still live at home (father says please no and mother says please yes), or will you find an apartment close by, or even in a different state? Will you marry now, or just move in with your partner? The world of choices has now opened itself to you, and if you are not prepared, it can be quite daunting indeed. But before you even decide which course to take, and even before you blow out your candles, there is something you need to realize.
You see, at one second past midnight on the day of your 18th birthday, while perhaps you were sleeping, a switch, if you will, was pulled on you. Even if you were awake at that moment, you wouldn’t have seen it, heard it or felt it. Something about your life would never be the same. Now, you may think that I am referring to the fact that, since you were no longer a child, no one could ever again tell you what to do. I am chuckling now because that is what you think, but if you want to survive in this world, you will be forever answering to someone to earn a living, buy a house, pay utilities, and even enter into marriage (especially that last one). And although you do have some autonomy of where you want your life to head, this is not what I am referring to.
In the Commonwealth of Virginia, the age of adulthood is 18. Some states actually make it 17. But whatever the age of adulthood may be where you live, as soon as the day breaks on your birthday, you move from under the protective umbrella of your parents or guardians, and then you are on your own, legally speaking. No longer will the police officer bring you home to your parents when caught in mischievous acts. No longer will it be the wish of the courts to redirect you, but rather, to punish you. No longer are your parents obligated to you one iota. This is it.
The purpose of writing this blog is to inform those who have sons and daughters who have, or are about to, embark on their quest through adulthood. If the one reading this has a child whose eighteenth birthday is upcoming, he or she should have their child read this so that they will be completely in the know of what to expect in their lives if they find themselves on the wrong side of the law. This transformation from child to adult happens in an instant, and it is important that they know once they commit a crime as an adult and they are caught, what takes place may be a culture shock. Let me illustrate how quick this takes place.
One Saturday afternoon on the afternoon/evening shift, I was patrolling down this suburban neighborhood when I observed a young man walking in the middle of the road. He was staggering so much I thought he would fall over before I had a chance to reach him. When I did mark out with him, I observed a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage about his person, blood shot eyes, slurred speech and was swaying as he was standing there speaking with me. I asked him how old he was. Through this slurred, broken up speech I heard from him, I learned he turned 18 that day, and he and his parents were celebrating. I asked to see if he had his identification on him, and he pulled out his driver’s license. Sure enough, the birth date on the license confirmed it. He is now 18, therefore an adult. I gave him a hearty, “Happy Birthday!” and then told him to turn around and put his hands behind his back. He would be under arrest for public intoxication.
Now, before you start thinking, “I thought this police officer was nice” and start criticizing me for being heartless to arrest this young man on the most important day of his life up to this point, there is something you should know. Yeah, even by policy, if he lived by and I wanted to, I could have just drove him home and told his parents that they need to keep a better eye on him for his safety. Even if after I had done that, and he would have come out of his home, I would not be responsible in the eyes of the law or by our own departmental policy for what happens to him in his impaired state. Yet, there was an event that occurred one night that forever changed my decision of bringing an intoxicated individual home, rather than to jail until he was sober. I had one man that was just three or four doors down from his home staggering in the street. It was close to me getting off, so I just walked him back home, told his wife to keep him inside, and then I secured from my shift. While I was heading home, I heard on the radio that midnight shift officers went out to that same street and had to arrest him because he almost got hit by a car. I vowed then never again would I be “nice” to inebriated individuals, but would always bring them to jail so that they could come back on the streets clear minded and safe. Even though legally I would have been exonerated from any negligence of duty, I could not live with the fact that if only I had taken him in where he would be safe, he would be alive today. I don’t need anything to turn my hair any grayer or loose than what it is now.
So, as soon as I put the cuffs on him, I heard this man and women running and yelling at me from several yards away. I placed the young man in the back seat, called for backup seeing that this couple was not happy to see what I just did to their son. The father had a strong personality and immediately demanded why I arrested his son. I told him that he was drunk in public, just the same as he and his wife now was. He told me that I had no right to take his son to jail, but that I had to release him to him and his mother. I asked him how old he was. He said, “Well, he turns 18 today.” I told him that is all I needed to know. He then told me that there must be a grace period. I told him that he better be glad that there wasn’t, because for them to allow their son to leave the home in that state could have been grounds for charging them with child neglect and endangerment. Before he could say one more thing, I told him that there were officers who were heading my way and unless he and this young man’s mother wanted to continue the celebration down at the regional jail, they better make haste and retreat inside of their home. Amidst some shouting and expletives, he and his wife did just that. And his son was alive to celebrate future birthdays, I may add.
There is also a common belief that once one turns 18, all the past crimes will have been expunged, and the young person can continue his life with a clean slate, as it were. This is not necessarily true. I know in the state of Virginia, when someone turns 18, their juvenile record does not get expunged, but it gets sealed. That way, those without the proper authority would not be able to discover the delinquency of the youth in question. Yay!!
Just hold on there, sparky. Let me give you a few entities that may unseal it and take a peak at your young illegal escapades. First of all, the courts can unseal it for the purposes of second or third offenses of the same offense, thereby issuing harsher sentences. Maybe you want to “Aim High” and join the Air Force. You may want to aim a little lower, since your recruiter will be privy to your juvenile record. If you ever want to become a police officer, firefighter or local or federal government worker, this should have been considered before you stole that car at 17. All is not lost. Your nearby McD’s is hiring for burger flipper. And they don’t care about your juvenile record, as long as you didn’t kill your grocery store manager when you worked as a bagger at the age of 16.
Also, and you may already know this, you could be charged as an adult before your 18th birthday, depending on the severity of the crime. If convicted and given prison time, the prison, at least in Virginia, will place you in a different pod that only houses juveniles. If your sentence extends past your 18th birthday, expect to wake up in your cell at about 1 am on the day of your 18th by the guards to move you to the big boy pod of the prison. There, you can share your birthday cake your parents sent you with your cell mate, Big Bubba.
If you are a young person and is constantly a pain and terror to your parents, you need to know that once you are 18, your parents are not obligated to you and your needs one bit. If you have burned your bridges with your friends and family, don’t expect that they will lift a finger to help you. You cannot use the fact that you were born from your mother as a valid argument that she legally needs to continue to take care of you. Unless you are a special needs individual, she doesn’t. You acted like you didn’t want to follow your parents direction when you were a minor, now you won’t have to. But don’t count on their support now. Be a man or woman, and go out and take care of yourself. Sounds easy, doesn’t it. It isn’t. Even I had to have my parents help when I was moving my family from central Virginia to southeastern Virginia. We lived with my parents for a month before I could find employment and an apartment. So, don’t make it harder for yourself than it needs to be. Tote the line for just another year or two, comply with the rules, and then when you do leave, you do so with the backing of people that love you. It’s your choice.
If you are a parent of a rebellious child and are biding your time until your child’s 18th birthday, when it gloriously gets here, don’t get into trouble by giving them a slice of cake to go, with their luggage packed and the locksmith on standby to change the locks when he or she leaves. As absurd as it sounds, depending on your state and local laws and ordinances, if you want them out of your house, you may have to go through an eviction process. Remember, they are now an adult who has, for the last eighteen years, established residency at your home with their own bedroom. You must now treat them, not as a child, but as a tenant. It would be insult to injury if your child then comes back and sues you for unlawful eviction. But if you threaten them that you are going to have them evicted, don’t bluff. They’ve had all their childhood observing your mannerisms, habits and behaviors and they know when you don’t really mean what you say. Blow their minds with tough love and follow it through. Let them experience harsh reality on their own. When the deputies are taking all of their belongings and placing them on the street, and then they come back to escort him or her out of the house and property, they will then know you mean business. This is not the time to cave. No matter what, let this play through. I have seen this take place a few times in my career, and it doesn’t take long before the young person realizes how good they used to have it. They learn they made a big mistake, and then learn to appreciate their parents even more, sometimes to the point of reuniting the family in the future. The streets have their own schoolhouse and your kids attending will be taught quite well indeed.
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