If you look at the photo, that is the reason I did not use “common” sense for the title. It seems to be an endangered species. To illustrate, I just watched a YouTube video where a teenage girl (looked like 16 or 17) was standing on the outside of the escalator, grabbed a hold of the hand rail, and rode it to the top by hanging on. When she got to the end, there was no place to go, so she fell and it looked like she got hurt (the camera footage turned off right when she landed on the floor). It would be those type of videos that, if one put a comment saying that what she did was stupid, you would have those jumping on the commenter saying that he was blaming the victim. Well? Let’s see. If she would have been thinking ahead, she would have realized that at the top she would be stuck, so yeah. Please tell me what I am missing. It wouldn’t surprise me if her parents attempted to sue the mall where she was because there were no signs saying not to do this, somehow blocked the side so no one could do this, or security didn’t stop her from doing this. Yet, almost a grown woman doesn’t use good sense to not do something she knew or should have known (legal phrase) she would eventually harm herself. There would be some that would claim that it was everyone’s fault but hers. Don’t blame the victim, at all costs.
Now, there are true victims who, at no fault of their own, are harmed or suffer loss due to the criminal and degrading mentality of some. These are not the one’s I am speaking of. It is those who knew or should have known that their choice they made would end up tragically, or at least to the point that they feel victimized. It appears that responsibility for one’s own safety and the safety of their family is thrown upon others where they readily blame their misfortune or injury on. That responsibility is never theirs. The following instances (not at all an exhaustive list) bear out this reality. These are those who:
- Leave their home and/or vehicle unlocked at night.
- Are not aware of their surroundings in public, or see a need to be.
- Readily go to locations known for their violent criminal activity.
- Say or do things they know will provoke others.
- Never look both ways on a green light when going through an intersection.
- Women who wear extremely revealing clothing and do not expect to get unwanted male attention.
- See no issue with brake checking a tailgator.
- Fail to cover up the key pad when entering their pin during a credit/debit transaction.
- Leave their valuables unsecured where they could be easily stolen.
- Not only blaming the offender (which is appropriate), but will also blame the police for doing “nothing”.
I know I will be getting some negative comments, especially #6. The belief from some is that women should be able to wear (or not wear as the case may be)anything they want and men should just disregard her apparel or lack of it. Granted, perhaps on a beach or at a pool the general consensus may be that it would be appropriate to wear a skimpy bikini. Not getting into morality, a women should be okay with that wardrobe selection as long as there are others there to assist her if a man attempts to victimize her. But to walk down the middle of the street in a rough neighborhood late at night wearing the same bikini is only inviting disaster. Going to a club may be safe, but the walk from the club to her vehicle may not be, especially if she is alone. Again, it is the phrase “knew or should have known” is what I am speaking of.
So, please don’t misunderstand me. No women deserves to be physically or sexually attacked. There is the responsibility of the men to keep their hands off of women that do not consent to it. However, knowing there are sexual predators all around us, one would think that by going to a club, scantily clad, dancing and “grinding” up against strange men would realize that they are arousing these men’s sexual appetites. Hopefully, these men will understand it was all in fun, but there are those who will not, or cannot, be deterred from their goal. If you are unsure of what I say, go on the sex offenders registry in your area and see how many sex offenders live around, or maybe next door, to you. Also realize the probability of becoming a victim and the necessity of taking safeguards against it. And just so you know, I have never told someone that was going through a tragedy such as a sexual assault that it was partially their fault. I am not cruel.
But let me give you an example that is not so tragic, but was still a serious offense.
In Suffolk (and I suppose you have this occuring in your community as well) we had a late night activity occur titled “car hopping”. It is where a driver of a van or SUV would drive down a residential street where his friends would go down both sides checking door knobs on cars. If they were unlocked, the friends would go inside and take any valuables they could find and throw them inside the moving vehicle. They never busted a window or tried to jimmy a locked door because it could case unwanted noise. It became so much of a problem our Special Investigation Unit started to hide out in neighborhoods in plain clothes and vehicles hoping to catch them in the act.
I was called out one early morning to a complaint from a guy who left his bill fold with a few hundred dollars placed in the unlocked middle console and work laptop on the front passenger seat in his vehicle. When he went out to his vehicle to go to work, the driver door was open and the items were missing. As I was processing his vehicle, I told him that this is happening all over the city and suggested in the future he keep his vehicle locked and valuables either inside or out of sight.
Two weeks later, car hoppers went through his neighborhood again, and once again his wallet and laptop purchased with the insurance money were stolen. He called up and I went out there again to do the report and process his vehicle. He started yelling at me asking “Where the (expletive) were you guys, off somewhere eating a (expletive) doughnut??!!” I told him that we are not going to sit all night and look after your vehicle when we have other neighborhoods to patrol as well. I was through his neighborhood twice that night. I also took this opportunity to remind him that he needs to lock his doors at night. That’s when the fireworks flew. He went in to complain to my sergeant, who basically told him the same thing. He should have locked his doors on his vehicle before retiring for the night and at least hidden the laptop.
The reality is that our city being the largest city in Virginia (Virginia Beach makes that claim as well, but it’s because they claim two miles out into the ocean), is 430 square miles. At that time, we had 15 officers on duty(although I’ve heard that number now is drammatically larger today) working that night. This meant that each officer was responsible for almost 30 square miles of patrolling. There was no way we could disregard the rest of our zone to focus on one car.
I will tell you of another situation that, when I recounted this in a reply on a forum, I got some vicious comments about how I handled it. I stopped by a convenience store to check up on the clerks and be a presence. I parked on the side of the store, so when I turned the corner, I observed a brand new sports car parked in front of the store. I noticed that there was no one inside the vehicle, that the engine was running and it appeared the doors were unlocked. I went inside and asked the customers who the vehicle belonged to, and there was a guy in line at the register that said it was his. I walked up to him and asked if he at least locked the doors. He said no, that it was not a problem because he was watching the vehicle from there. I told him one day he will be watching his vehicle take off. And that statement got instant confirmation. Immediately I heard tires squeal and turned around to see his vehicle take off. I instantly got on the radio to report the theft, the description of the vehicle and the direction it was heading. I did not run out to my vehicle to chase it. (I will wait until the gasps of horror fade). It was simple. Our city had the strictest vehicle pursuit policy in the Hampton Roads area. We could only pursue in cases of violent felons (and we had to know that they were) or in situations where reckless driving or DUI posed a threat to the other motorists and pedestrians. That’s it. This theft did not qualify. Even with the recklessness that was exhibited in the parking lot, the chase would have exasperated the danger to motorists and pedestrians.
Now, some commented that I should have told him of that fact, but he was screaming at me that I wasn’t doing anything, even if I was so inclined to tell him, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. He was also angry at the fact that everyone in the store (not me) was laughing at him. At first he claimed I had something to do with the theft because it happened at just the right moment. That was quickly debunked but then he started on me again saying it was my fault. I asked him if he wished to report this or keep yelling at me. He finally gave the information needed. Incidentally, officers found the vehicle a few miles away abandoned and undamaged.
So, I incurred some comments that basically I was blaming the victim. One individual replying became very aggressive saying that I was a bad cop because I should have still chased the vehicle (his consideration was not for the safety of any of the motorists). When I explained again it was against policy that we cannot pursue just for property, he still double downed on his comment. I then posed it to him, if he was a police officer, knowing the policies concerning pursuits, how would he handled it? After a day to think about it, he came back and said if he noticed the vehicle, he would stand by the vehicle until the owner came out. I explained to him then he would cease to be a public servant and become a servant of a person. Police officers do not have time to keep everyone from experiencing consequences of their actions or inactions. I told him that if I had done that, anytime he saw a police officer when he parked, he would expect the same “service”. I also told him why should I be more concerned about someone’s property more than the owner? I have yet to have a reply back from him.
Having giving these examples, whereas there is a difference between those taking responsiblily for their safety and those who feel they shouldn’t be bothered with it, both are victims and should receive the same investigation and justice. Notice I did not say deserve, but that they should. There is still a criminal out there that is making victims of both and need to be found and punished. So a police officer can think what he wants and maybe say what he wants, but he must provide the same service regardless. I did on both occasions and all the other times I investigated crimes.
To further illustrate my point, consider the following:
–If you were told by your closest friend to avoid a mechanic shop because they are deceptive and will try to “rip you off”, would you still take your car there?
–If you discovered a person had a long criminal record and was still engaged in criminal activity, would you still date them?
–If you were warned from friends and reviews that a restaurant had bad service, disgusting restrooms and have been closed a few times by the health department in the past, would you still eat there?
–If you found out the company you were applying to was under discrimination or abuse of employees investigations, would you still work there?
I could go further with more examples, but I think you get my point. I grew up in an era where you locked up your valuables and took responsibility for your safety as well at the safety of your family and friends. But today, personal responsibility is continuing to be not a thing. A recent example is that last night, I did something rare and decided to take a respite from my diet and grabbed some fast food for my wife and I from a particular restaurant. It was early in the day (about 4 pm) and the drive thru was not busy. I was able to order and pay for my food in about a minute. When I pulled up to the window, I was asked to pull into parking spot #5 and they will bring the food out to me. It wasn’t until 18 minutes later that this girl came out, asked me what my order was, and gave me a bag and said, “There you go.” And then she walked away. No apology. No one took responsibility for the wait time. They filled up the fry box about half way and the food was cold. I did do a survey on them when I went home and told them they can keep their free sandwich for completing the survey. I wouldn’t be coming back because it wasn’t worth the gas to be treated like I was lucky to get food from them and the wait should have been worth it. I actually could have taken my wife to a sit down restaurant and been served quicker than that with hot food. Okay. Enough of this. Needed to rant so thank you.
Another thing to consider is that those who skate through life without taking any responsibility for their own well-being are those who I consider to be (yes, here it comes again) entitled people. They know there are those that lock their doors, stay aware of their surroundings, avoid dangerous locations and activities, get alarms on their houses and doors, possess at least some non-lethal self-defense device, such as pepper spray, and are overall looking out for themselves and their families. Yet, this is not their thing. They expect their lives to be care free, and when a drastic incident disrupts this fairy tale, they are shocked and offended, and are ready to blame everyone else. This shouldn’t happen to them because, well, they are them. How dare someone do this to them. Where were the police?
Taking responsibility to help prevent becoming a victim is the same principle when your mother told you to look both ways before crossing the road. Yet, I have to always be on the lookout when I drive for jaywalkers just willy-nilly cutting across the highway without concern of getting hit. It’s the same principle that if you drive recklessly and speed you will eventually get pulled over. And how many times did I encounter those who blamed me for getting the ticket, and that I ruined their lives? It’s also the same principle that says if you are engaged in dangerous activities, you could get hurt or die. It’s like someone jumping off a cliff and blaming gravity for the outcome.
Good sense should prevail in the decisions we make every day. This is all I’m saying. I know you are entitled to your opinion on this, but you must agree that some tragedies could have been averted had someone incorporated good sense in their planning.
My initial intention here was to present a YouTube video of individuals who became victims as a result of their lack of taking responsibility and good sense decision making for their safety, but in the process I came across Abe and Preach and they said it so much better than I did. These guys are awesome. Take a look.
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